San Diego #14: Post-Project - Teammates, Brothers, Sisters, Friends

As I was walking back to my dorm from the last Cru meeting of my freshman year, it struck me what an odd thing friendship is. There are 7 billion people in the world, and out of them, my friends are my friends partially because of a common location on the map and the timing of our births. Those two things need to be there, and only then are we in a position to actually meet each other, know each other, and be friends. Over a year after I initially had that weird thought about friendship, the same thing rings true about the students of SDSP 2013. We were in a common location, and we're all 18 to 23 years old. But, here, there was something different. It takes me a long time for me to call any of my friends close. Yet, after only ten weeks, I feel like I made close friends at SDSP.

It was about ten weeks ago that the awkwardness that the beginning of project holds started to set in. It started with the group I went with from the airport to housing, where we had a lot of trouble even finding each other in the airport. And for good reason - we didn't know each other, save for a few of us who go to school together. We got off our van to an overwhelming scene of staff happiness. A few icebreakers later, I still wasn't keen on being in San Diego because I knew hardly anybody. Obviously, a few things happened between then and now.

Looking back, a lot of them revolve around taking steps of faith and God planting seeds. On the second day of project, we shared our souls with our small group. For a lot of us, it was the first time we had to be authentic with anybody on project. But, it carried over throughout the summer. A lot of us were authentic with each other by sharing our struggles, victories, and what God revealed to us through them. In turn, everybody on project was so encouraging! That word showed up so often in my journal, and whether it was a big group of us encouraging each other, or one person I was talking with encouraging me, it meant a lot to me throughout the summer. These types of things stick with me.

A lot of conversations like that happened early in project. The first week of project was a whirlwind of meeting people almost every chance I had, getting used to them, and realizing that I liked everyone that I'd been able to talk with. There were still quite a few people I hadn't had conversations with at the time, but we had nine weeks to go, and I was thinking that maybe we'd all be super-duper bestest friends forever and ever by the time project closed. Didn't quite happen.

Reflecting on it more, I don't think this is a bad thing at all. Before he left for Serbia, Cameron, my small group leader, encouraged me to be more social with others, but not to try to become who I'm not. I do feel like I got to know the guys enough to know that they will continue to walk with God, and glorify him through their lives. I hardly know some of the women, seeing as we lived apart, but God blessed me with great friendships with some of my sisters in Christ on project!

The turning point for me was when Cameron and the staff left San Diego. At that point, I had to look to everybody else for fellowship, encouragement, and leadership. Not just the four student directors, but everybody. And, to an extent, everybody was accessible and willing. Whether it was a late night run at Denny's or a small group hashing things out near housing, this was when things really changed for me. Yeah, I hit a dry spell spiritually during that time, but this was when I learned and remembered everybody's names. This was when I began to stop taking the other students for granted.

Things really culminated during the last week. I had an awesome time hanging out during our free day. I bounced around a few groups, spending the morning at the San Diego Zoo and somehow ending by crossing Coronado Bridge at night - a beautiful sight - and barely catching the last trolley. What a day it was, and I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much if we didn't all take steps of faith to know each other better earlier in project and the seeds God planted.

Also, during the last week, Brent and Sam got engaged! The video's all over Facebook. The joy that engulfed all of us on project was amazing. That's when I realized that God uses even time as a pawn - most of us had only known Brent and Sam for nine weeks, yet we were so happy for them as if they were our friends for years. A big reason that we felt that close as a community was because of the steps of faith we took earlier in project and the seeds God planted.

We had worship on the beach during our last evening. It included some teary goodbyes to a couple of us who were leaving that night. Toward the end, as the sun had almost completely set, a few guys put their arms on each other's shoulders and started swaying. The group got larger and larger. Almost all the guys were there when some of the girls joined in. Before we knew it, everybody who was still there circled up for one last "God Is With Us", the song we so cluelessly sang at the beginning of project. Again, steps of faith and God planting seeds earlier in project contributed so much to the closeness of that moment - one of my favorite moments from the entire summer.



Worship on the beach during our last evening... just look at that sunset.

At that point, I wanted to keep these people in my life forever. I didn't want to say goodbye. I was hoping to stay up all night with whoever else wanted to, and a group of us went out to the boardwalk to try. I couldn't quite make it the whole night - I crashed for a bit outside one of the condos inside the rails, where I closed my eyes for a bit with the cool ocean breeze blowing against me a final time. I got up after about ten minutes of "sleep" because the goodbyes were starting. People were leaving housing en masse. Cars were being packed, shuttles were being boarded, and our group got smaller and smaller, seemingly by the minute.

About 15 of us were in the airport near the check-in desks at the same time. The airport layout was unfortunate, at least for me; the security checkpoint was pretty close to the entrance, and the airlines most of the 15 were flying were not in the same terminal as mine. As I took the long and lonely walk to my terminal, I thought about the fact that they'd all gone away from my life, at least for a bit. I passed the area where I'd claimed my bag when I first arrived, remembering how my phone was dead at the time - the start of the awkwardness that the beginning of project holds. God took us so far since then.

In those two days, my eyes stayed dry, but it didn't make the goodbyes any easier. In this project, I hugged more people than I have in my life. As I was writing this, I realized that God revealed so much to me through 80-ish others my age who are all walking with him. I also realized that for the rest of our lives, all of us likely won't be at the same place at the same time again.

I haven't been hit by post-project depression like a lot of us have, but that doesn't mean I'm cruising through this week. Kelsey was the first person I met in San Diego - she somehow found me even though my phone was dead - and Sarah D. was the last person I said goodbye to in the airport. In between were an awesome DNA group, a couple roommates from Missouri whose lives God has changed so much, a lot of encouraging, awesome people from Arkansas who ended up being great friends, a few students at San Diego State who I pray continue to grow in a Gospel-centered community, and so many more who touched my life simply by being there. And I miss every single one of them.

As I said, I wanted to keep them in my life forever. In a way, I can because of social media. What a blessing it can be! Yet, it's just not the same as being able to hang out with them in person and have frozen yogurt. But, think of how God could use any one of us to further his kingdom, and he'll work even more through us as we keep walking with him! Thinking of that makes the split a little easier.



"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged..." (Complete it yourself.)

To end this, I'd like to encourage all of us, including myself, to not let this be only time that any sort of community becomes part of our lives. What we had in San Diego probably can't be matched. All we can do is realize that God blessed us with the opportunity to have each other at SDSP, and be grateful for it. But, there's so much more ahead of us in our lives, and every time we have to start anew, God may want to plant seeds in people's lives - including our own - but it may take steps of faith on our part. It'll be tough to do it at school at times. But, it was tough to do it in San Diego, and we did it. And who has more fun than us?

My prayer is that all of us never stop walking with God in our lives. I know that I'll see a lot of you again at reunion. If not then, then maybe DCC. If not then, then I hope that we cross paths again later on. But if not even then, there's heaven.

God was with us in San Diego, but even as we leave each other, God will never leave us or forsake us! Rejoice in that when withdrawals set in!

San Diego #13: Post-Project - Sharing

The next few ones I'm doing are just reflections I'm having between myself and God about project. I'm not going to spill absolutely everything - there's stuff I'd rather just say in person - but these are going to be quick recaps of ten weeks of the best summer of my life. That being said, excuse me if these quick recaps end up being somewhat drawn out.

Sharing my faith was something I wanted to grow in this summer after two years of wanting to grow in it "later". The premise for this is the Great Commission, found in Matthew 28. A part of making disciples is to, well, meet them to begin with. And, if the mission is spiritually based, there's really no way out of sharing your faith in a situation like this.

Still, that didn't make me gung ho about it. I've admitted to the entire project that I chickened out hard during the evangelism outreaches at DCC. I didn't go to San Diego with a completely different mindset, as if somebody had waved a magic wand in my general direction.

The mindset I had behind sharing my faith was based off a video that I've seen several times, and many other evangelical Christians reference it. It's basically the magician, Penn Jillette, saying that not sharing our faith with somebody is akin to hating said person (1) (2). That made me feel pressured to share my faith - read the footnotes as to why - and if I ever did share, I felt uneasy going in and relieved when it was over.

(1) I think this is a terrible approach to get people to share their faith because people who watch this may react with guilt, and therefore act on guilt. Guilt is a terrible motivator; for me, it makes me just want to knock a task out just to make myself feel better and get it over with. Any heart that I'd have for sharing with Jillette's viewpoint in mind was revolved around myself, not the people I would talk to. And, when I'm revolved around myself, I tend to think more about my performance, because I can be somewhat of a perfectionist. Do know, I don't have an issue with the claim itself. It's just an awful motivator.

(2) On an unrelated note, I can't think of another instance where Christians directly quote and reference a staunch atheist such as Jillette.

That being said, it was great to get a refreshing viewpoint of evangelism - taking steps of faith in initiating conversations and leaving the results up to God. Our job is to trust that God is with us as we go, and act off of that.

There were a lot of chances to share my faith during project. There were planned outreaches in the evening, a day of the week set aside for us to go to college campuses and share, and during the day, our workplaces. Some of us were able to share while just being out and about. I found sharing my faith on campus to be the most fulfilling. Going to San Diego State and having good spiritual conversations with people, and sharing the Gospel with most of them, really was a good way to interact with students and get them plugged in to the Bible studies we did on campus if they were interested.

But, not everything was a super-great experience for me. At times, an evening evangelism event was planned, whether it was on the beach, or even back on a college campus, and I struggled with almost all of them. The biggest factor was a lack of motivation at the end of the day, most of which were tiring. If I ever did stop dragging my feet, it was because my project teammates helped get me going.

Project is now over, and I'm still not very good at sharing. Even on campus, my sharing partner usually had to get me going. But, I saw a lot of growth in that area through taking steps of faith. And, where there's some steps of faith, I've found that God usually wants us to take more steps of faith as time passes. Ten weeks were a huge blessing for my life, but those ten weeks were not my entire life. God isn't finished with any of us who were on project, and I pray that steps of faith to continue in the mission are taken by everyone.

For me, I didn't have long to wait before a chance to continue came up. While I was flying to Dallas, I was sitting near a couple marines. They were going home as well after six months of training. I looked about their age, so they asked me what I was doing. I got as far as giving a quick testimony and telling them what I did in San Diego, but the conversation stopped after that. I definitely wasn't prepared for anything like that on the plane rides back. I still have a long way to go before I can say that I'm prepared in season and out of season to give an account of my faith.

A way you can be praying for me is for God to continue to change my heart. I don't particularly love sharing my faith because my heart for the lost fluctuates a lot (at times I'm on fire, at times I couldn't care less). On top of that, my ego has always been an inhibitor for just about everything. I definitely can't speak for God on this because I don't know his plans for our hearts, but I'm willing to believe that he doesn't want us stagnant for a long time.

That being said, I feel changed about this going into the fall. At the very least, my attitude has changed - my mood at certain times will probably be up in the air. As far as I can see, there's going to be a lot of it in the first six weeks or so before I start dragging my feet because school is destroying me.